You kill them when they cheat but want pampering when you do – Counsellor wonders for men

Marriage Counsellor, Speaker, Author and Entrepreneur, Frank Edem Adofoli wonders why men will abuse their cheating partners and in some cases kill them but do not expect to be paid back in their own coin.

He indicated that most men are on record to abuse their wives or girlfriends because they cheated on them but when the tables turn men think it’s normal for them to do so but the same men find it abnormal when their partner cheats on them.

“There is evidence about men who abuse their wives or girlfriends because they cheated on them. Some even go to the extent of killing her, of which some family and friends knows about but keep quiet on. Others justify it because she cheated. Some say cruel words like “she deserves it”. Yet when this man is found doing the same thing, no one has the courage to confront him. This is how sick we have become”, he revealed.

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It’s sad that when we talk about cheating many men think it’s normal for them to do so but the same men find it abnormal when their partner cheats on them. If it’s good for you, why shouldn’t it be good for others?

Are women not humans created by the God who created men? Didn’t God bless both men and women? What is good for him is good for her. If you don’t want your woman to cheat on you, don’t cheat on her, don’t endorse cheating as normal for men and frown upon that for women.

Cheating might sound easy to do as a man but it’s hard for a woman to do same due to the damage it causes her. When a woman complains bitterly about cheating, it’s not because she likes to talk so she is making noise. Nor is it because she likes drama and movies so she is dramatizing or acting. It’s because it hurts her so much, to the extent that some women never recover from the pain of cheating.

A woman will agree to marry you, be in a relationship with you or have sex with you because she feels safe and secure with you as a man. She feels loved and cared for. Because you have proven to be trustworthy. She doesn’t want to be lied to, betrayed, used for just sexual satisfaction. So, when you cheat on her, it doesn’t only affect the relationship, it also affects her as a person.

You give her mixed signals about who you are, she finds it hard to trust you, she doesn’t feel safe and secure with you. She questions herself; whether there is something wrong with her or if you no longer find her attractive. She fights with herself. She is hurt, she is broken. She gets angry. She feels stupid, deceived, she feels treated wrongly; cruel.

There is evidence about men who abuse their wives or girlfriends because they cheated on them. Some even go to the extent of killing her, of which some family and friends knows about but keep quiet on. Others justify it because she cheated. Some say cruel words like “she deserves it”. Yet when this man is found doing the same thing, no one has the courage to confront him. This is how sick we have become.

Nobody should encourage cheating in any form. Cheating has no colour, tribe or gender. It’s wrong and does not help in any way. We should be bold to confront it and stop it. The fact that men are moved by sight does not mean he should forget who he is as a married man or one in a committed relationship. He should have self-control or discipline himself. Cheating is more about character, integrity than erection and libido.

Cheating is not a solution to marital or relationship problems. If you have issues with your partner, work at it. If it fails, let go the relationship rather than cheat. Don’t add insult to injury. As humans, we need to know that whatever we endorse, accept, encourage, we cannot change. When we accept cheating for men, they will never stop cheating. It also means we are encouraging them to hurt their partner and teaching her to also cheat on him. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Never pamper a cheating partner. When they cheat, they break the vow or the relationship between you two. Leave them. If he or she values the relationship and is willing to sacrifice their cheating behaviour or habit for the good of the relationship, welcome them. Don’t make excuses for them. It’s okay to pray that God changes them but never forget you are not God. You don’t have what it takes to change them. You can pamper a cheating partner, give them everything but it won’t stop them from cheating. They only learn when you leave. If losing you costs them more, they leave cheating for you.

In conclusion “A good reputation is better than expensive pleasures” – Ecclesiastes 7:1a (ERV).